We all long for a sense of connection with others, to feel worthy, to be loved for who we truly are but it is also one of our greatest fears. The fear that we are not worthy, that we won’t be loved, or be able to connect. It is a double edge sword, thanks to our ego.

Our ego’s do not like to feel uncomfortable, to be challenged, to be out of control, all the things that keep us from growing.  The ego is tied to worrying about the outcome.  When we let go of worrying about the outcome, and enjoy the journey, it is amazing what happens.  The ego is all about significance, afraid of what people think about us, afraid of being judged.  When surrender + trust = vulnerability, that is where the real growth comes.

It takes courage to be vulnerable. The original Latin word for  courage comes from the word cor, meaning heart, and the original definition was to tell your story of who you are with your whole heart. Truly knowing that what makes me vulnerable also makes me beautiful. Being able to let the ego go and not worry about what others think.  The willingness to put ourselves out there when there is no guarantee of the outcome.

Once we can embrace being vulnerable then we allow for all those amazing feelings such as joy, happiness, creativity, gratitude and most important, that authentic sense of love and connection.Sure it is scary, but what we all truly want is NOT the short term satisfaction BUT the long term happiness. Short term satisfaction fades but long term happiness is where authentic love and connection flourishes.

So today I leave my ego at home today and will  have the courage to be vulnerable.  Being my most authentic self. Loving and giving with my whole heart, knowing that I am already beautiful and nothing or no one can change that.  I know that through this daily transformation of being vulnerable I am expanding my capacity to grow and love.  As my good friend  always says, “It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it.”

I found myself letting my past run my future…well that is, until a huge light bulb went off.

I had been waiting for a friend to call me back so we could get together and catch up over some coffee.  We both have lots going on in our lives and I knew that I really valued her opinion, so it meant a lot to me.

By late morning I still had not heard back from my friend. I started feeling frustrated and a little hurt, which over the next few hours seemed to intensify.  I could not figure out what to do, as I had already left a text and a voicemail, but yet had still not head anything.

My intuition told me there was a better way to handle this situation….but was not sure how. So I did what I normally do when wanting to learn and started writing in my journal, getting my thoughts out of my head and on to paper…a cleansing for my soul.

The writing started out like this “…what is really going on with this situation. why do I feel so frustrated when I know neither of us have done anything wrong?”  As I continued to write, digging deeper into what was going on in my head I put down the sentence “feeling this way because this is how others have treated me in the past.”  I found myself grouping this experience with the painful outcomes from past situations for no reason at all.

Then I realized that I was choosing to feel this frustration, no one was doing anything to me, certainly not my friend. I had made a conscious decision to play the victim.

The first breakthrough was in my choosing to take responsibility. Done. I know I am the only one who can make me happy or sad. Period. How I feel in any moment is the meaning I choose to give it….but something still did not feel right…so I kept writing….

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Throughout this entire conversation I was having with myself I was attaching my past negative experiences to this situation, when my friend had done absolutely nothing wrong. In fact nothing was wrong, this was a brand new experience.

We as humans have no reference for the future, other then using our experiences.

When you hold a treat out for a dog, no matter how many treats they have had in their life, it is as if this was the first time, they truly see the gift in that moment.

The HUGE lesson I learned was by my projecting experiences on to the current situation I was bringing old baggage, and missing out on the experience of seeing the joy within this moment and this wonderful friendship.

To my amazing friend – You continue to teach me so much, what an unexpected gift you are…thank you.

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein

I didn’t hesitate for a second, as I knew I had to help him. So I carefully picked him up and took him to one of the large tidal pools and carefully placed him in the water.  At first he did nothing..then slowly he started moving his fins and within about 5 minutes he swam away.

As I went on my way,  it got me thinking….. How often do we not stop to take a moment to lend a helping hand – for what ever reason.  We tell ourselves we don’t have time and then say “next time I’ll help”  Sometimes just taking a moment and lending a hand can have a profound effect on someone….like saving a life…..

There are some people who always stay in the middle, some always in the back, and a few that are all over the place, depending on the event.  But how else does that show up in our lives?  Where do you sit?  There is a quote that I love, by  T Harv Eker,

How you show up for anything, is how you show up for everything.

It got me thinking about why I always sit in the front row…. Because no matter what is going on in my life I want to play full out and get all I can out of each and every moment. Hills or valleys, makes no difference.  The richest experiences come from being active in life.

Sometimes when we try new adventures they don’t end up being the best fit for us. Important thing is I try as I know has it helped me learn so much more about myself and what is really important to me in my life.   If I was given a  do over, I would not change a thing, as I have  learned so much, and to me that is the greatest gift I can give myself.

If I had been sitting in the middle or back rows I would have missed out on so much.

I will continue to pay full out, sit in the front row, and soak it all in…. Being actively engaged and serving a cause greater then me.  I look forward to learning all I can!  See you in the front row!