Grateful For All Of it!

Grateful for ALL OF IT!

Orginally Posted: September 28, 2020

Sept is #WorldSuicidePreventionMonth. I originally wrote this post to share

on September 10, #WorldSuicidePreventionDay. I thought it might get lost in

all the beautiful posts around 9/11…so I held off until today.

The only way we as a society can help others who are thinking about taking

their own lives is by removing the stigma around mental health issues and

best way I know to remove the stigma is to use our voices and share our own

personal experiences, no matter how painful.

On June 28 of 2019, I decided that all the mistakes I’d made were

insurmountable and that my only option was to take my life.

I had been preparing to undertake a year-long adventure of my dreams. To

everyone around me, my life looked great. I’d completed my training, was

surrounded by an inspiring group of people, and living a lifelong dream.

On the inside, I was an emotional, mental, and physical wreck. I was struggling

financially to raise the funds needed to participate. I was in so far in over my

head.

I couldn’t and didn’t say anything to anyone, so ashamed.

On the morning of June 28, I wanted to grab one last cup of coffee and write

in my moleskin, getting the thoughts out of my head, not to change my mind,

but to explain my thinking should someone find the book. I wrote myself the

words on slide 2.

To this day, I still don’t know what the one thing that made me change my

mind was—that moment when I decided that living was worth fighting for and

that this was not my time.

Yes, I still had huge problems to figure out. But I refused to quit. Its going on 15

months working thru the overwhelming shame of my actions to get to where I

am today.

If you are reading this and thinking of taking your life, please don’t.

The world needs your unique voice, now more than ever. And while I don’t

know what you are going thru, I know that you do not have to go through this

alone. I had thought I was alone, and now I know better. Reaching out is a sign

of strength, not weakness. I believe in you. You’ve got this.

If you live in the US and have suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide

Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255 for free and confidential support. It’s open

24 hours.